Saturday, January 29, 2011

"I love who you are, I love who you aint"

The "Contrary Society" was a Pawnee Indian tribe commonly known as the "Crazy Dogs". Their philosophy consisted of doing the exact opposite of what they themselves or anyone expected them to do by enforcing the rule of opposites; for every choice, there is a relevant alternative. I connect this to Ying and Yang. All is one and one is all. There can't be sunshine without rain. There can't be life without death. There can't be peace without war. There can't be Joker without Batman.

I was living the life I had expected to live; sixteen years of school, college graduate, staying close to home and pursuing the performing arts. But something was wrong, something was missing. The pure fact that I was doubting all I had ever sought was deceiving and terrifying.  I was caught in a rut.  

Believe me, two months ago I could have never anticipated that I would be starting from scratch in Park City, Utah- homeless, jobless and quite frankly winging my life. When strangers ask what brought me here, I have a simple answer - an adventure. It was the opposite of what I had expected. But what are expectations?  Because today, I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm the happiest I've been a long time.

Crazy Dog

Monday, January 24, 2011

Settling In.

Everything has a give and take. I stay home and resent home. I leave home and miss home. It's not that I don't enjoy where I am - everything has a balance. We can only hope to find the middle. Don't expect it to just happen, it won't. Years make experiences; experiences enhance growth. Without growth, what do we have to learn?....Or yearn? And dream to one day make possible. If it fails, so be it. Would I be any different off then I was before?

I stare down a path covered in powdery snow. A trail to walk in the morning, undiscovered, un-tread, me. Other's footprints pave the way, but my footprints have yet to make an impression. Everyday I'll walk a little farther, on my own. Of course I miss the company of those I have grown so close to. But do I regret taking this walk? Not in the slightest. Half of life is living with others. The other half is living with yourself. 

This post is inspired by...well you know who you are :)

Happy Living,

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Homemade Cookies

Starting from scratch is an awakening venture. A new atmosphere, different faces, unfamiliar roads - forces the mind to live minute by minute. And I love it. The present is all we ever truly have. Why not always make the best of it?

The thrill of starting fresh has taken over. I made it.

Happy Adventures,

Friday, January 7, 2011

au courant

The past two days have been amazing. I have been driving through natural scenery like I have never experienced. I drove into the sunset for two hours. The variety of colors pressed against the falling blue sky surrounded every angle of my sight. I felt like a child inside of a snow globe. The sky was literally split into two with the sun setting bright ahead, the black night sky falling behind and me stuck in between. It was truly an ironic moment.

As the sights become more fascinating so does my excitement. I am remembering how it feels to feel something new. I feel the first day of school jitters. I feel the first day of summer thrill. I feel the first winter snow fall. The smell of pancakes on a Saturday morning. Lightning bugs on a warm spring night. When did these experiences stop? Or did I stop noticing? I am realizing there is a difference between being alive and feeling alive.

I leave behind 23 years of experiences, each moment a puzzle piece to my life. Those pieces are connecting and I am thankful to be aware. I miss every single person that has been a part of my journey. But I smile because our paths will cross again.

Living a Little,


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Question Time with Howard

                                    I've got questions - he's got answers.

S - How many tornados have gone through Maryland?
H - About twenty in the last 60 years.

S - Are there beds in trucks?
H - Sometimes. You can tell by the head of the truck. (Truck passing) That one does not have a bed.

S - Where are the Northern Lights?
H - Somewhere in Canada.

S - How many major railroad systems are there in the U.S.?
H - A couple.

S - Our road and interstate system is amazing, how long do you think it took us to build all this?
H - About ten years. There was a major roadway undertaking in the 50's.

S - What are those things?
H - Windmills. Their putting them all over the place now. There is talk that we will be putting them 30 feet out into the ocean sometimes in the next few years.

S - Is lake Erie the biggest lake in the U.S.?
H - No. Lake Superior.

S - Where is Bigfoot?
H - Montana.

Travelled through - Ohio, Indiana and Illinois.
Status: Holiday Inn Express, Iowa. 


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Going On

I could not stay another day and live my own worst nightmare. For the four years I was in school, (majoring in what I love - performing and creative arts) I constantly thought about graduation and what I would do after. The one life I wished not to live was that of a starving artist, working as a waitress, living at  home and slowly forgetting the passions within. I woke up one morning in the middle of December and realized I had been living this life for the past 4 months and it was killing my soul. Two weeks later - I'm sitting in a hotel room in Toledo Ohio, my black Dodge Neon packed to the brim, on my way to Park City, Utah.

Ultimately? I want to work for Sundance. Realistically? I need an adventure. Life is not about ultimatums and plans. It's not always about what we want either. It's about what we need. We all need adventures. Moments of silence and clarity. Times when all there is to do is sit in a hotel room, in the middle of no where, between states, between chapters, between plans. Half of life is just showing up.

from the road

be easy,