Red and White

I apologize for the delay between posts. It is unlike me to have writers block but the past month has been eye opening in so many perplexing ways that I've had no words to express. The intricacies that make up the web of life are simply stunning and continue to amaze me in so many disguised ways. Life is truly a tapestry; a seemingly muddled mess of color and string, turned over to reveal a masterpiece.

We live on that tangled side, each thread representing a strand to our lives. There are moments when we get a glimpse of the unfinished product, the beautiful picture that is being created and it gives a restored faith in the path we are walking. But these moments are short and few because our minds live in fact, not in hope like our hearts. Fact being what is in front of us, what is "real". Hope being faith, belief that we are ultimately creating the picture we have always dreamed about.

I went into this adventure hoping to find myself and through the mysterious curves of the tapestry, I have found that and so much more. We all get hurt. We all have bad relationships and experiences that influence our decisions and feelings. We all fall victim to the tedious game - should I or should I not?
I've been playing this game for years and I've never won. Finally somebody has come along to close the box for me.

Fears, doubts, mistakes, regrets - only exist if you want them to. To some, this won't make sense. But that does not matter. It is I who write these words, it is I who lives this life and it is I who had a glimpse of my picture, a restoration of faith. I have found something infinitely special and I am going to follow it.

:) Steph

"plants are life, are you against life?"

Adventure: (noun, verb) 1. An exciting or very unusual experience. 2. Participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises. 3. A bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome.

I have been referring to the great migration to Utah as my adventure. But tonight I realized life is the adventure. This move is a change, a chapter. In my opinion, life should always be an exciting or unusual experience with bold and risky outcomes. Why else are we alive? To bore ourselves to death, literally?

I refer back to childhood so often in my thoughts and writings. If there is one thing theatre taught me, it is to acknowledge the cascade of wonder that we experience as a child; the feeling of the first time. The first trip to the ocean. The first day of school. The first slumber party. The first campfire. The first airplane ride. The first crush... Then as the years tally up, new experiences become quite rare. Life seemingly becomes mundane. We start to take things for granted.

It takes a major shift to shake the soul awake.

When I was a little girl, I would write scenarios on pieces of paper and hang them on my bedroom door weekly. Scenarios such as, 'three friends form a rock band and tour the entire world', or, ' a girl goes on an adventure and discovers a secret waterfall'. One day my mother was standing outside of my room, reading the dream door and said, "Why pretend when you can do it?" I have never forgotten those words. 

Maybe I don't want to make movies. Maybe I have just always wanted my life to be like one.

~Steph

"Do you boo boo, do you."

If I had considered and weighed all the possible outcomes of this move previous to leaving home, I would not have stepped into my car. Leaving was hard. I don't think I have stressed that enough. But this is an adventure I needed. There are times when I am homesick however, especially when I wish I was there for the people I love most. So cheers.

Leaving home has truly made me appreciate Maryland for what it is and who it houses. While moving to Park City has opened my eyes to a beautiful life both in sight and heart. At the hotel, I check people in from all over the country on a daily basis and I smile especially bright every time a guest is from the East.

So this is a shout out to all my East Coasters, rockin it, specifically Silver Spring, Beltsville and College Park, MD. I miss you all. I'll hold it down in Park City for a minute.

Happy Valentines Day

Pheebs

"I love who you are, I love who you aint"

The "Contrary Society" was a Pawnee Indian tribe commonly known as the "Crazy Dogs". Their philosophy consisted of doing the exact opposite of what they themselves or anyone expected them to do by enforcing the rule of opposites; for every choice, there is a relevant alternative. I connect this to Ying and Yang. All is one and one is all. There can't be sunshine without rain. There can't be life without death. There can't be peace without war. There can't be Joker without Batman.

I was living the life I had expected to live; sixteen years of school, college graduate, staying close to home and pursuing the performing arts. But something was wrong, something was missing. The pure fact that I was doubting all I had ever sought was deceiving and terrifying.  I was caught in a rut.  

Believe me, two months ago I could have never anticipated that I would be starting from scratch in Park City, Utah- homeless, jobless and quite frankly winging my life. When strangers ask what brought me here, I have a simple answer - an adventure. It was the opposite of what I had expected. But what are expectations?  Because today, I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm the happiest I've been a long time.

Cheers,
Crazy Dog

Settling In.

Everything has a give and take. I stay home and resent home. I leave home and miss home. It's not that I don't enjoy where I am - everything has a balance. We can only hope to find the middle. Don't expect it to just happen, it won't. Years make experiences; experiences enhance growth. Without growth, what do we have to learn?....Or yearn? And dream to one day make possible. If it fails, so be it. Would I be any different off then I was before?

I stare down a path covered in powdery snow. A trail to walk in the morning, undiscovered, un-tread, new....to me. Other's footprints pave the way, but my footprints have yet to make an impression. Everyday I'll walk a little farther, on my own. Of course I miss the company of those I have grown so close to. But do I regret taking this walk? Not in the slightest. Half of life is living with others. The other half is living with yourself. 

This post is inspired by...well you know who you are :)

Happy Living,

Steph

Homemade Cookies

Starting from scratch is an awakening venture. A new atmosphere, different faces, unfamiliar roads - forces the mind to live minute by minute. And I love it. The present is all we ever truly have. Why not always make the best of it?

The thrill of starting fresh has taken over. I made it.

Happy Adventures,

Steph

au courant

The past two days have been amazing. I have been driving through natural scenery like I have never experienced. I drove into the sunset for two hours. The variety of colors pressed against the falling blue sky surrounded every angle of my sight. I felt like a child inside of a snow globe. The sky was literally split into two with the sun setting bright ahead, the black night sky falling behind and me stuck in between. It was truly an ironic moment.

As the sights become more fascinating so does my excitement. I am remembering how it feels to feel something new. I feel the first day of school jitters. I feel the first day of summer thrill. I feel the first winter snow fall. The smell of pancakes on a Saturday morning. Lightning bugs on a warm spring night. When did these experiences stop? Or did I stop noticing? I am realizing there is a difference between being alive and feeling alive.

I leave behind 23 years of experiences, each moment a puzzle piece to my life. Those pieces are connecting and I am thankful to be aware. I miss every single person that has been a part of my journey. But I smile because our paths will cross again.

Living a Little,

Steph